🦋 It's Raihana & no one else 🦋

  Bisa kau Kukudap Dendam kucangkeram Erat dalam malam Kumuntahkan madahnya Sebatang sungai berkaca Hening diludahnya warna Warna sebenar aku -pun sama Sama yang berbeza -R, 22; sesal tiada pasal

dan  lembaran ini  kekal kosong penaku sombong asyik mataku menjenguk purnama  yang warnanya yang terangnya dan lembaran ini kekal kosong penaku sombong asyik mataku menjenguk purnama  yang warnanya  yang terangnya dan  lembaran ini  kekal kosong penaku sombong asyik mataku menjenguk purnama  yang warnanya yang terangnya dan  lembaran ini kekal kosong dan  lembaran ini sudah penuh penuh engkau! -R, 21; kehadapan 'Ahmad'

bagai ada sesuatu yang merindu datang  dan dakap diri ini kemudian pergi apa mungkin aku sudah bukan warga rumah lagi? -R, 22; 3 febuari 2024. 

  i am  a polyglot of none but everything has become "you" -R, 21; the language

  aku mahu mabuk agar kepala kau bisa aku tebuk dengan kata nista yang tajamnya lebih dari apa aku mahu mabuk dan jejakku  dipadam syaitan untuk kau telan ubat kelatmu perlahan aku mahu mabuk dan merobek kulit rahsia dengan rakusnya biar kau tahu yang jijik itu baju bukan kalbu aku mahu mabuk senang -  kepala kau kupukul leher kau kucekik ditelinga kubisik - rasa kita sama cuma dengan mata cuma dengan hati cuma buta mata kau buta hati -R, 21;   yang kurik itu kundi,  yang merah itu saga,  yang dekat itu kanti , lebih dekat itu...

 22nd August 2023      She was somehow a Lebanese.. perhaps an Arab.. whose kind soul was the warmth of the friendship between my family and her. Her husband, was caught dead while protecting the country, he was a brave, fine soldier. And this woman, she had that big eyes and a pointy nose. Her hair was nearly curl and it is in light brown. She was a doctor and somehow people are so greed for heaven that they got her killed. In that dream, she was a good friend of mine.     " You take her! " was her last word to me, for her first born. The little angel was just born and knew nothing. Not even she could recognize her mother.      So I called her mine.. That time was as if I am an independent adult, alone, and ready to spend my life for the little girl. I brought her everywhere and taught her to laugh. She has that bright, big smile and that cheeks, light pink shades whenever she sees me. Her eyes blue and, she is mine.     I remember...

  to be a lover is to be a fool as i know nothing but you -R, 21; an idiot, strike one. an idiot, strike three.