🦋 It's Raihana & no one else 🦋

  aku mahu mabuk agar kepala kau bisa aku tebuk dengan kata nista yang tajamnya lebih dari apa aku mahu mabuk dan jejakku  dipadam syaitan untuk kau telan ubat kelatmu perlahan aku mahu mabuk dan merobek kulit rahsia dengan rakusnya biar kau tahu yang jijik itu baju bukan kalbu aku mahu mabuk senang -  kepala kau kupukul leher kau kucekik ditelinga kubisik - rasa kita sama cuma dengan mata cuma dengan hati cuma buta mata kau buta hati -R, 21;   yang kurik itu kundi,  yang merah itu saga,  yang dekat itu kanti , lebih dekat itu...

 22nd August 2023      She was somehow a Lebanese.. perhaps an Arab.. whose kind soul was the warmth of the friendship between my family and her. Her husband, was caught dead while protecting the country, he was a brave, fine soldier. And this woman, she had that big eyes and a pointy nose. Her hair was nearly curl and it is in light brown. She was a doctor and somehow people are so greed for heaven that they got her killed. In that dream, she was a good friend of mine.     " You take her! " was her last word to me, for her first born. The little angel was just born and knew nothing. Not even she could recognize her mother.      So I called her mine.. That time was as if I am an independent adult, alone, and ready to spend my life for the little girl. I brought her everywhere and taught her to laugh. She has that bright, big smile and that cheeks, light pink shades whenever she sees me. Her eyes blue and, she is mine.     I remember...

  to be a lover is to be a fool as i know nothing but you -R, 21; an idiot, strike one. an idiot, strike three.

  let me be your homeland let you be free -R, 21; an occupied soldier

  the stars, were not as  fascinating the night, appeared darker you were the protagonist as well a liar  -R, 21; too good to be true.  

  mistreat guest like a refugee how an occupied heart can ever declare it is free? - R, 21; between 2 places.

  " for if you are the killer i shall let that be " ---------------------------------------------- .... as my heart  gracefully dance  in the city of Istanbul perhaps his name  be closer than my vein..... -R, 21; as vulnerable 

  you are the braille of the divine - R, 21; beautifully unsung

 13th August 2023, 0302hrs.  This is a spoiler; i thought i might have some times to write down the remaining chapters of the previous Chapter 1 entry since some of you have been quite excited - of course, be it good or bad. However, being forcedly to consider this short semester i am taking currently, which shamelessly proud of invading my whole life from me, perhaps i might not be able to even realize my own right to opt my own self over this journey of losing my mind (read: study).  I have tons of poems specifically customized, or should i say crafted for each episode, and i dont want them to just rot in the android notes so, i think i'll publish them all and reckon the sense of clues shall be halal for everyone till i get this hectic semester over with insyallah :)  Raihana. 

 2nd May 2023, Tuesday.  It was class time and I had to go to the toilet. I suddenly noticed my best friend's text while I was doing my job in the boring and mundane cubicle, asking me to help her create a letter for her lecturers due to her absence. Her grandmother was very ill that she needed to extend her stay in Singapore.  I am that one who loves to disappear during class time. Not because I don't like certain classes, but because I am easily get distracted. I need fresh air and some sunlight to recharge my focus so I could pass this hell-journey course. So I was planning to sit somewhere, KAED level 2 corridor might sounds good as it is facing the courtyard, the height somehow brings me to nature in a comfortable distance, with the morning ray casted and filtered by 2 levels above - makes the temperature at the corridor is as cozy to be stayed for a quite of time.  To the corridor I went and seated, crossing my leg and started to think of formal words to be wri...

March 25th. One thing that no one will ever ask, but tonight sounds so melancholic, with my ears now stuffed with " Melancholy" from Spotify. Life is currently so sad.  I am alone - with realisation of that particular one who might accept me more than I do to myself? But what am I doing now? Break his heart is the only specialty I'm good at.  I slowly noticed how some faces are just masks they put on. Yet you are to spare forgiveness and acceptance for them as it's part of their "survival".  I hate it when people mock my opinion and don't take my words seriously.  I am exhausted of being selfless for those who dont even know how to appreciate. I am burning out, for too tightly holding on to myself and the things they considered as dignity and pride.  I want cry my heart out when they told me they have spaghetti, and I was all starved for it, but then they ate it without any guilts. I feel bad, when that one old lecturer who favours me fell sick because I...

  tinggal sendiri ruang ini punya aku dan Tuhan -R, 21; punya Dia.

  kugemar senja bertemu malam kita boleh mimpi perkara kita damba -R, 21; tanya kau.

  adakah kau masih peduli tentang rindu semalam yang berbaki -R, 21; bekalan esok

  put your hand into mine pass the fire to burn I desire  for this soul crave to exist  once again -R,21; timeless 

  my heart shatters over and over to feel you again -R, 21; letting it till it can't.

  the unspoken words is too much that it is tangling and choking- -R,21; tongue tied

  kau ukir aku dalam sajakmu guna luka dari serpihan-serpihan dalam pedih kau kata kau hidup -R, 21; untuk engkau.

I like the idea of you The warmth of your smiles The cold tears you shed That cute laugh you make This illusion of you Keeps dancing inside my mind How I wish for it to be true Because this thought of you Is too much to bear For me to keep it inside -A.F, 21; why dont I make Raihana a poem?

  " how can broken thing like you be this beautiful? " -A.F, 21; for her.  ; from him, for him. for i have lost my words.