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Deep in my heart.

 1st May 2021,

Ramadan ke 19 i guess. 


I'm currently having a cup of Teh Tarik i got free of charge from bazaar. I'm also in the middle of collecting energy to cut the model board for i hate my previous serial plane model, so i have to redo it 😭


*no photo due to stupid line, coverage, website ughhhhhhhh IM SO NOT IN THE MOOD. 


U might be surprised with this entry, seriously. Because tonight I'm going to write something i never wrote before. 🙂

To be frank with all of you, i was hoping that semester 3 will be veeeeeery friendly, very nice to me. I had my grades on previous semesters of core archi subjects where i got B+ for Graphic Communication and B- for Freehand Drawing. Despite all exceptional As i got for ICT, Maths for Built Environments, Understanding Islam and Presentation Skillz, B+s for Statistics and Built Environments, i still don't managed to get in the Dean's List.


YES, BECAUSE OF THE CORE ARCHI SUBJECTS. TAKE MY WORDS THAT I'M SO BAD AT DRAWINGS, PAINTINGS AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN. 😭 I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THE HELL TO RENDER THINGS TO LOOK 3D LIKE I REALLY DON'T SEE THE WAY YOU GUYS SEE IT. 😭😭😭 I DO FEEL SO PATHETIC ABOUT MYSELF LIKE WHAT ELSE IN THE WORLD IM GOOD AT 😭😭 DAMN I WANNA DO SOMETHING ELSE. 


In semester 3, we have Design. And i liked it at the first place but guess who is the real fool here hehe? 


I thought i can handle the project 2 for my idea is quite brilliant to make the Blue Pansy Butterfly as my concept. I drew them the butterfly roof (translated from my useless head!!), solar panels, and even rendered the butterfly so realistic!!! I also came out with the idea to make butterfly pupa inspired serial plane and it turned out DISASTER. The substraction and addition and all shits of degradation didn't work out for my model. They look stupid, trash and anything despicable human being can ever thought of. 😭


Since we already submitted the project 2, i really have to sacrifice my sleep time to re- touch the serial plane model before i go for Project 2 (c). Everyone knows how harder and more complicated the task could be as it changes. World needs to remind me that I can't just give up like that, this semester has to go with me and not againts me. 😭 i really have to succeed this semester. I have to prove it to everyone that i can excel this foundation so i can go for Quantity Surveying in degree later. I don't think i have the strength to pursue in Architecture  nor Landscape Archi nor Urban Planning nor Art and Design. 🤕 I'd rather do maths quizzes during my sleep with my eyes closed than to crush my brain for ideas and break my fingers to make models. 


As for my parents, i will make you guys proud of my achievement. I'm sorry if I'm not the daughter y'all wished for. But trust me I'm trying my best. 


Good night world. Dont be too gentle to yourself. Live the life at its fullest. Focus on your goals and make your parents happy. 

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