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episode 1 of being 20. :(

 4th May 2022, Raya ketiga - a bit sad cuz got to visit only 2 houses today and i miss my paternal side kampung.. 


However, salam and if there is anyone read this entry well i would like to wish you the warmest selamat hari raya aidilfitri!! It's currently day 3 of Syawal, and today was on my mum's side. Just to gush out my feeling these days, it has been 2 years we didnt meet each other because of the pandemic, i was once a teenager now i'm an adult - just how the time changed everything. 

During our visit to my paternal side, some asked my father " kapan arek mantu? " or " when will you get your children in law? ". If you were me, i bet you'll feel so uncomfortable talking about the opposite gender in front of my father; he is so strict even since i was a kid, so how in the world would i talk about marriage? But somehow at this age of 20, you've met a lot and those things has shaped you into somebody - I dont feel ashamed anymore and in fact i am ready to face my father and to answer any questions relating to that. 

I did and I do think a lot, i love to plan things wayyy ahead of future, the targets, the backups and all stuffs. Some people will find this funny, for thinking of something that is unsure, but who cares, i write my own story and let Allah proceed the rest. :) I already has thought of my study journey, the job i'll be taking if i got scholarship and if i dont get any, the things i wanna do after i graduated the part 2 of  architecture school, type of boyfriend i dream of, the age i plan to get married, the house i'll be settling in, how many children i would have, how wanna teach my kids, the countries i aspire to travel, etc. 

Back to the question my father got yesterday, a bit surprising that he replied with a hinge of 'he prefers if i get married after my degree / young age BUT my partner needs to be capable in providing the needs' (lol seriously i started to feel weird to talk about this hahahahah oh well this has to be transferred here asap or else it'll be wandering on my mind forever!) and he mentioned that he would favor for me to have 10 children because he wants the house to be loud especially during hari raya hskdejfbvnccjdu weyyy but i already clarified that i would have 4 children approximately, like the pain of giving birth is half of the deathhhhhh thus if 10 children, man that's so brutal, it's beyond death!!

For me personally, I am planning to only have a boyfriend for now, or later, and get married by the age of 27, or maybe 28, and above. And when i mentioned 'boyfriend' i dont mean the cliche or common and not serious type of relationship, as we can tell i am an ENF-J; someone who look forward to engage with everyone and will make sure to preserve the connection. I don't know, i just want someone i can pour the love to (cewah), someone i can count on to, and someone i'm looking forward to for the rest of my life (and may that wouldnt change, but if God has written something better, hence i will not regret :) ) 

To tell, today, the fourth of May 2022, i am still single....i dont know what am i doing with life right now HAHAHAHAHAHAHA let's just be transparent here, im currently exhausted with my life - im not sure if it is an answered prayer or just an unexpected experience, but IT IS HARD TO MAKE CHOICES AND TO REJECT SOME; Both hell and heaven were upon me these past weeks and I decided to not have any crushes on anyone, anymore. Let's just be neutral, single and enjoy life at its best. Just in case someone's coming, he'll make the way at all cost no matter how hard you try to avoid. So, i just hope that people will understand that if you like someone pls be fast or somebody else will pluck their luck, 


Until next time for more 'the beginning of an adulthood' talk with me (;-;) byee
















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