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Life is a competition, unhealthy sometimes

 Aug 12th, 2024, 2101. 


Hi readers, it's me again after quite a long time. I have no idea why but I'm so scared to write as it has been a while I didn't write. I'm just afraid I might sound stupid but if I keep on waiting then nothing's gonna change :) 


I'm currently having my 3rd week of being jobless, useless fresh grad. Laying in the living room, binge watching love classics on Netflix - I might be so proud to express that The Notebook will be my all time favorite!!!! I cried a lot and wonder how I got nailed to every plot, but the movie is just so relatable as hell. I'm not talking about the difference between statuses, but the lenses of both genders perceiving the love itself is just excellent and truly impactful. Yep, now everyone might think I'm so comfortable staying in my crib instead of setting my wings to fly out there, finding jobs or to fulfill my fate as previously got architecturally tortured. Thank you people for being typical minded human - just grateful I'm not on the same spot as you, perhaps I may be further front away. My topic to think isn't just about "is he/she working?", but broader than that. 


My head has been so miserable thinking of future. I was so disappointed to the current industry as they are too demanding on winners by cheating the competition itself. Imagine, this whole working industry is a big, fat competition. Everyone have to participate and those who win will get the job. The organisers are the industries, the employers. 


So the industry demands assistant architects who are capable of using advanced softwares - even the ones we HAVEN'T EVEN HEARD OF. Being in IIUM, they are so obsessed of manually drawn drawings, manually crafted models and manually everything! I quite enjoy the process till now, as hand-crafted things and stuffs would stimulate your braincells, making them more active and sharpen your mind as well. I love seeing my impromptu sketches and doodles for its imperfect shapes allow me to think of more wild ideas in my head. Therefore, it can be seen from my humble portfolio that both first year and second year feature some hand-drawn drawings for our final projects, while computerized presentation are only on our final year - and this one we learned only the very old fashioned basics, as today's technology is growing bigger and wider to explore. I even did my final year with the help of my friend. Not cool, you think? 


Being a Raihana, I am always liven up by my own positive spirit. You will never know the darkest hour I have passed through, with the littlest flame of motivation, to lighten up the whole view! You can tell how I fluently smile on every phases of my life. Ask anyone or yourself, so rarely people see me at my lowest and you think it's easy to be that calm during the storm? I am always holding on to how the Islamic scholars coping with their patience and I hope I could be as strong as they were. But right now everything seems to test my patience, and I already giving up I think, as I got too many requests doing so :) 


The spirit to study and to finish what I have started regardless what I have gone through the whole final semester was still there. Giving all it got. Hence, before anything happens to the small, tiny flame, I'd better get going; where recently I have received some messages relating to job offers. I applied around 8 architecture firms, and I got 1 interview from this one company, and another 3 portfolio reviews from 3 different companies. Long story short, as hinted from your early read up there, they are too demanding and I was quite shocked. 


I was angry, upset and frustrated with the market requirements. The employers somehow don't even know how to use the computer but they've been expecting you do everything advanced for them? All you can see from their eyes is just fucking money! Therefore, to simplify, the working industry is like a competition and you are free to participate with whatever you have; your legs, bikes, and even jets. The organisers (employers) already know who's going to win the competition, obviously, the ones using jets, idiots. - So tell me what in the world is this kind of competition when you already picked your winners? Is this fair? I asked my bestfriend and so furious of his answer, but I'm gladly let you all think of your own answer and just keep it for you and others if you want. 


Um, let's just call him Ahmad. 


Ahmad's answer: Fair competition 

Reason: The ones using bikes and legs have to upgrade themselves la. Don't complaint when someone has more capabilities, instead try to be like them


He might sounds right, right, everyone? Butt here, let me break it for you; everyone has the ability to walk, to ride the bike, right? But NOT FUCKING EVERYONE HAS THE FUCKING CHANCE OR ABILITY TO OWN AND NAVIGATE A FUCKING JET, RIGHT? The ability includes financial, knowledge, and other essentials needed to fucking have a jet. Is it fair then, only jetters can be the winner? Nope right? 


I can, invest some of my time to fucking learn the softwares. But to remind, all architectural softwares cost you heaven and hell, the cheapest you would have would be around RM 40k, and that's original. My university software license is about to expired soon, as I'm graduating now. I may perhaps have them from Shopee, pirated ones. But last time it cost me my RM 5.6k worth Dell gaming laptop because of pirated SketchUp I used during my first year. The laptop burnt as it rejecting the viruses the software had. Now yep, I have a whole brand new gaming laptop from HP, got it on my final year, final semester. 

Now you see the obstacles right, to upgrade my fucking legs to a fucking jet? I don't have that ability!!! And I'm quite in doubt to spare my laptop for another damage made by the pirated apps or softwares later! I fucking have no job, no source of income so let's not have my neck on the chopping board. 


Therefore I'm hoping for chance to work somewhere, and use their licence to develop new skills using licensed softwares. And from there I'll try to explore more and more while sharpen whatever they-called-it-basic skills I have. 


and this is just talk for ones having legs. What about OKU? Aren't they involved as well in the competition? So do you think it would be fair for the OKUs? Competing with ones using jets? If we implement Ahmad's statement, we will just go at the OKUs, shout at them " WOI, U KNOW U DONT HAVE LEG AAA, UPGRADE LA TO HAVE LEGS. PERHAPS TO HAVE TURBO WHEELCHAIR? " - ha it's going to be like tis la. Is it still fair?


Thus, the question here would be, " how are we going to make things fair " or " who's fault that everyone is dying obsessed being the victim of one's arrogance " ?? The answer is simple, THE ORGANISERS!!!!!


It's not the jetter's fault, nor the player with one leg, but everything can be changed by manipulating the organisers. The organisers (employers) should open up for job quota that make sense for everyone and not just to fulfill his stomach with fucking money and projects. If they are keeping on picking up winners even before the race start, it would never be fair for everyone. It's just I'm so mad because what is the use of having this bachelor degree, if the ones they are so looking forward to are the ones with skills, without considering their study backgrounds? Am I trained to do job during degree? 


Nope. 


I was trained to crunch my brain to small pieces to critically think of philosophical issues regarding the course. So? Why are they so greedy, they think there would be more benefits to hire non-bachelors as they can serve them low salary and they are made to do non-stop works. 


Stupid!!


------------------


After a week of taking breath and being patient, I have decided I may touch some of the softwares. Pirated pun pirated la mampus la sampai bila nak gini. So I might learn how to use some new softwares and try to adapt using it, hence I have both bachelor degree and the additional skill. I'll make the employers gulp down my portfolio, until they got choked if this is what they want. I fucking spent a lot on my degree lepastu sukahati je taknak hire aku lol.


 Bye. 













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