Skip to main content

you dont have to care if you dont :)

 20th Dec 2022. 


Dear all, 


This is going to be a quite friendly reminder and somewhat indirect letter which means I tried as best as I could to not offend anyone with my words. For those who find me interesting, thank you. For those who are willing to be there when I need you, thank you. For those who accept me for who & what I am, thank you. I seriously have nothing in the world to compare with your kindness. All I could do is to pray and ask Allah to grant each of you His highest jannah and I promise you, I won't be selfish. You will have my back for the rest of your life. I'm not going to stop appreciating you in everything I do, I have achieved, for those are the things that makes difficulty feels lots better. 


I am legit nobody. I humbly know how pathetic the level of knowledge I'm currently at and I don't ask anyone to praise me the way I don't deserve. If you don't like me, feel free to feel so. Don't feel burdened just because others seem to path their ways into this black heart of mine. You will not enjoy if you are not willing to be lost. You will be angry because nothing shows the direction and the dark corners will only make you feel uncomfortable and worried. The heart is too big I must tell. It is made for the people who crave for adventurous journey, for them who thirst for wonders and secrets. The treasures are buried deep for those who seek and never it is a dismay. 


You have never been walking the journey all along, you charted your own map underestimating where the road is branching out to. How would you call it a life if your way in is as the same as your way out?

Raihana, 20. 

*********************************************************************************


I think the reckless Raihana is back. She worries everyone and excites everyone at the same time. She either can be enough or more than enough. When they couldn't bear, they will seek help from the parents, asking tips about the journey barangkali?

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Secantik mahkluk, puisi.

  JANTUNGKU BAGAI TERHENTI SEKETIKA MELIHAT BAYANGANNYA SIAPAKAH LELAKI INI? KURNIAAN TUHAN DARI SYURGA? FIKIRKU SEJENAK HATIKU MERONTA MAHUKU DIA DISINI NAMUN PANTASNYA HANYA DICAKRAWALA BAGAIMANA BISA AKU MENDAKAPNYA ERAT LAGI KALAU BUKAN  DARI DALAM HATI - R, 19, dekat tapi jauh :)

jejaka di pejabat sekolah.

tadi saya dgn kawan saya Fatimah nak pergi bilik guru lelaki. bilik guru tu bersebelahan dgn pejabat sekolah. saya & kwn saya nak hantar kerja kayu khb. saya buat tabung. masa nak masuk tu, tiba2 cikgu khb kitaorg masuk pejabat. jadi  saya dgn fatimah pun nak masuk pejabat. tiba2 terperasan ada org lelaki ni HANDSOME 😍. dia pakai baju putih so means dia Pengawas / Prefect. dia pakai kopiah putih. muka dia putih, hidung dia mancung. ahh, saya dh tak boleh describe dh. susah. 😂 saya dgn fatimah cpt2 tunggu dekat depan bilil pengetua. semasa lelaki itu keluar, saya dan fatimah sampat melihatnya dari belakang. saya dan fatimah rasa dia adalah org yg PALING handsome dekat sekolah. dia mungkin atas saya. mungkin form 3 atau form 4. yg pasti bukan form 2. ok lah. sampai sini saja. saya berharap saya dpt jumpa dia lagi.

Called her mine.

 22nd August 2023      She was somehow a Lebanese.. perhaps an Arab.. whose kind soul was the warmth of the friendship between my family and her. Her husband, was caught dead while protecting the country, he was a brave, fine soldier. And this woman, she had that big eyes and a pointy nose. Her hair was nearly curl and it is in light brown. She was a doctor and somehow people are so greed for heaven that they got her killed. In that dream, she was a good friend of mine.     " You take her! " was her last word to me, for her first born. The little angel was just born and knew nothing. Not even she could recognize her mother.      So I called her mine.. That time was as if I am an independent adult, alone, and ready to spend my life for the little girl. I brought her everywhere and taught her to laugh. She has that bright, big smile and that cheeks, light pink shades whenever she sees me. Her eyes blue and, she is mine.     I remember...

Seeking back my wild spirit for finals // sem 2 of degree.

24th April 2022, Sunday - prepping for the very 1st crit of semester 2 tomorrow (Monday) and I hate my concept - like it can be better, I was hoping for comments that can help me develop my design but my lecturer seemed to just love everything. He only said "yes" when I explained 2 design concepts  and contrary to any of my acceptance of approval before this, I am quite lost; getting thirstier for instructions. And yep, I am still here, having my face glued on the lappy screen, writing my own thoughts on blog while doing and reading some research about the similarities between the European housing because ----- Okay this is the story, we are given a site, and we are to interview a client based on professions & themes the faculty has assigned us - My site is located at the coconut orchard, with a very old-fashioned lifestyle happening in the community there, the existence of a traditional Malay house, nipah-made homestays, and chicken coop as the contexts. I am to do a ge...

Insecurity-

 27th June 2022.  So I have this little secret I hid, deepest in my heart; Something of its truth I won't admit, but poison is never meant to be kept. - My insecurity.  For all these years of living, it's quite shocking to say that I have been thinking of suicide so much for this semester. Nobody knows, how hard for me to cope with everything, and it's even funnier when people described me as "problemless" - quite a compliment for me for being hell good at camouflaging the flaws.  There were times I wished to be killed during my sleep, for somebody to suddenly come and stab my back during my prayer. I sometimes lusted to fall sick and to have the most beastly disease on earth and die. I just hate of living. I don't want to meet anyone.  I have no idea where of all these are coming from, I did everything - from turning on the Ruqyah for myself, to have some emails from Malaysian government of mental health careline.. I even had spilling session with somewhat ...