Skip to main content

you dont have to care if you dont :)

 20th Dec 2022. 


Dear all, 


This is going to be a quite friendly reminder and somewhat indirect letter which means I tried as best as I could to not offend anyone with my words. For those who find me interesting, thank you. For those who are willing to be there when I need you, thank you. For those who accept me for who & what I am, thank you. I seriously have nothing in the world to compare with your kindness. All I could do is to pray and ask Allah to grant each of you His highest jannah and I promise you, I won't be selfish. You will have my back for the rest of your life. I'm not going to stop appreciating you in everything I do, I have achieved, for those are the things that makes difficulty feels lots better. 


I am legit nobody. I humbly know how pathetic the level of knowledge I'm currently at and I don't ask anyone to praise me the way I don't deserve. If you don't like me, feel free to feel so. Don't feel burdened just because others seem to path their ways into this black heart of mine. You will not enjoy if you are not willing to be lost. You will be angry because nothing shows the direction and the dark corners will only make you feel uncomfortable and worried. The heart is too big I must tell. It is made for the people who crave for adventurous journey, for them who thirst for wonders and secrets. The treasures are buried deep for those who seek and never it is a dismay. 


You have never been walking the journey all along, you charted your own map underestimating where the road is branching out to. How would you call it a life if your way in is as the same as your way out?

Raihana, 20. 

*********************************************************************************


I think the reckless Raihana is back. She worries everyone and excites everyone at the same time. She either can be enough or more than enough. When they couldn't bear, they will seek help from the parents, asking tips about the journey barangkali?

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

PMS never felt this awful.

March 25th. One thing that no one will ever ask, but tonight sounds so melancholic, with my ears now stuffed with " Melancholy" from Spotify. Life is currently so sad.  I am alone - with realisation of that particular one who might accept me more than I do to myself? But what am I doing now? Break his heart is the only specialty I'm good at.  I slowly noticed how some faces are just masks they put on. Yet you are to spare forgiveness and acceptance for them as it's part of their "survival".  I hate it when people mock my opinion and don't take my words seriously.  I am exhausted of being selfless for those who dont even know how to appreciate. I am burning out, for too tightly holding on to myself and the things they considered as dignity and pride.  I want cry my heart out when they told me they have spaghetti, and I was all starved for it, but then they ate it without any guilts. I feel bad, when that one old lecturer who favours me fell sick because I...

engkau, a poem.

dan  lembaran ini  kekal kosong penaku sombong asyik mataku menjenguk purnama  yang warnanya yang terangnya dan lembaran ini kekal kosong penaku sombong asyik mataku menjenguk purnama  yang warnanya  yang terangnya dan  lembaran ini  kekal kosong penaku sombong asyik mataku menjenguk purnama  yang warnanya yang terangnya dan  lembaran ini kekal kosong dan  lembaran ini sudah penuh penuh engkau! -R, 21; kehadapan 'Ahmad'

Insecurity-

 27th June 2022.  So I have this little secret I hid, deepest in my heart; Something of its truth I won't admit, but poison is never meant to be kept. - My insecurity.  For all these years of living, it's quite shocking to say that I have been thinking of suicide so much for this semester. Nobody knows, how hard for me to cope with everything, and it's even funnier when people described me as "problemless" - quite a compliment for me for being hell good at camouflaging the flaws.  There were times I wished to be killed during my sleep, for somebody to suddenly come and stab my back during my prayer. I sometimes lusted to fall sick and to have the most beastly disease on earth and die. I just hate of living. I don't want to meet anyone.  I have no idea where of all these are coming from, I did everything - from turning on the Ruqyah for myself, to have some emails from Malaysian government of mental health careline.. I even had spilling session with somewhat ...

Hi, it's Nervousness here, welcome back!

Stomach pain, sudden cold and sweaty palms - This is the condition whenever Raihana feels so nervous. Sue just texted a reminder of tonight's meet up regarding our course event: Archi Raya which will be held on next two weeks and guess what, I'm chosen to be the emcee!  I was delighted at first and I am still now, because it's going to be lifetime experience in university but somehow I feel so nervous and anxious at the same time that I'll be talking in front of ALL YEARS of students who take Architecture; Zafwah, Xander, Pasak - you name it!, ALL LECTURERS and the department staffs. Yep, this feeling will fade by right after I get my confidence back but as for now, this is what we're getting.  I've thought on some activities we could do at front to entertain the audience like do a sudden kuih raya taste test on random student and if he/she guesses right, will be rewarded some duit raya! Apart from that, exposing the culture of Hari Raya like showing some Raya v...