🦋 It's Raihana & no one else 🦋

 31st May 2026, It's supposedly cuti seminggu sebab Rayaji and somewhat bday Agong kot (Agong pls dun b offended kalau salah), tapi I had to balik ke UIA awal sebab gelabah lagi 2 minggu nak final. Hi there, it's me again, Raihana. To be honest I am really having my butt burning right now sebab masa gonna be sangat suntuk for me to finish the damn dissertation, design presentation and ethics. But tonite I think I'm just gonna sketch je kot. EEEE I cannot susun words rite now or even to think about it. But,  Give it a chance, Raihana, how cikgu2 sekolah kau dulu bg kau chance utk kau pidato masa sekolah rendah, then jadi best debater during sekolah menengah, lepast kau lead everything during your university... semua waktu yang kau rasa prime and rindu sangat tu, all started by giving chances to yourself from the first place..  Now, aku tahu you might feel sangat tak fit in taking tis masters. And malaikat jadi saksi how hard the journey for you so far.. Everyday kau pun da...

 Jika diajak kembali Ke kedai kopi Akanku kotakan janji Tunangi masa tuk berkongsi rahsia Sambil menyapu guguran dibahu - R, 24; kau sudah kutemu

It seems so sudden but I really2 in need to write my heart out, things been so janggal and I just dun feel comfortable, thinking about, I dunno - I'm currently 23 and as we all know tis is the weirdest era of transition where it cud be both - single & married. I received lots of questions that now quiet common for tis age; " when will u get married? ", " are u currently seeing somebody? ", " are we getting to eat nasi minyak sooner? ". I'm not sure whether to worry if I dun have anyone, or if I do, have someone! Another common question is " at what age are u planning to settle things up? " - to be honest, I dunno. I just.. don't know; am I the one who's supposed to go to my future husband's house and ask for his hand in marriage? - ofc not!. So, it's not my decision of dat " when ", it shud be the concern of my future husband.  But when? I think I'm just gonna write what'll work for me just so lat...

9th March 2025, it's Rachel's birthday today, member tengah syok tidur aku pulerk tengah bersantai lepas balun Koko krunch, and masak lauk sahur. Macam awkward to write after so long I didn't write here, but I think I need a comeback, Raihana has been missing for so so long 😵‍💫! But to tell I've been living my life quite fullest la juga; I learned, I worked, I cooked, I explored places with my family and dated most of my closest friends from university since I graduated. It's already puasa day 8 dah,, and proudly nak flex aku kot yang masak buka skang, bkan mak aku HAHAHAHAH 😎 nasib je la tak snap hari2 sebab tahu2 dah licin but I cooked sizzling, macaroni cheese, sardin kuah tomato cili api, spaghetti masak lemak cili apii kahkah  Currently it's 1:39 am and I just cooked some lauk bersahur. I think the recipe is quite simple that I want to keep it for my husband later hahahaha.  Udang Kertas Goreng Kunyit Sorry la ni snap masa berasap-asap dalam kuali hshshs...

 30th. November 2024. Hi it's me again after so long, quite feeling sandwiched in wanting to write this entry in Malay, for the other day was like a message from God that my mom quoted a piece of Malay poem to me on the day of my convocation and I was so drown into finding its meaning and yep the meaning did find and found me. It somehow slapped me right on my face bdjsjsjd but oh well I still want to write here in English just so anyone can read in case I wouldn't be able to read and even remember the bittersweet memoir of my life. :) The poem sounds like this; Rumah kecil tiangnya seribu, rumah besar tiangnya satu.  When you do your searchings you might find out various of interpretations but for me, the line somehow tells that when I was little I have my mom as my pillar, and she alone can be my thousand pillars. But now when I'm getting older and wiser, occupied with hell tons of responsibilities, I'm gonna go thru everything alone. And me alone is as weak as one pi...

 Dan jasa Seorang tentera Selamanya dikenang Bila tak pulang -R, 22; Apa nilainya darah setitik? Apa nilainya nyawa?  

Bagai rumah usang Seorang lelaki tua Duduk di hujung ruang Matanya ada laut Jauh kulayar perasaanya  Rentasan tidak berpenghujung Madahnya saja puisi Yang mengisi dan bererti Didahinya tercoret Garisan sejarah  Rupa usia yang dijajah Kepalanya gedung ilmu Pandangannya menyapa aku Tentang alasan Susahnya membaca buku -R, 22; siapa aku? 

 Aug 12th, 2024, 2101.  Hi readers, it's me again after quite a long time. I have no idea why but I'm so scared to write as it has been a while I didn't write. I'm just afraid I might sound stupid but if I keep on waiting then nothing's gonna change :)  I'm currently having my 3rd week of being jobless, useless fresh grad. Laying in the living room, binge watching love classics on Netflix - I might be so proud to express that The Notebook  will be my all time favorite!!!! I cried a lot and wonder how I got nailed to every plot, but the movie is just so relatable as hell. I'm not talking about the difference between statuses, but the lenses of both genders perceiving the love itself is just excellent and truly impactful. Yep, now everyone might think I'm so comfortable staying in my crib instead of setting my wings to fly out there, finding jobs or to fulfill my fate as previously got architecturally tortured. Thank you people for being typical minded hum...

kuharap hujan  takkan berhenti hangatnya teduhan  bila kau disini kuharap hujan jangan berhenti hangatnya teduhan meski kau pergi kuharap hujan jangan berhenti hilang rasa teduh  hilang rasa engkau - R, 22; hujan masih belum berhenti, teduhnya masih ada

  In Gaza  The seeds are buried In heaven The flowers bloom -R, 22; world is the distance

  Run my lips On your neck And my fingers Through your hair Your eyes cannot be Anywhere else But in mine - R, 22; knowing that we don't have to say it to each other ...

  Pahitnya masa lalu Aku telan Agar sedar diri  Manisnya hari ini - R, 22.

  Rahsia yang aku bisik lebih sebaarang kenalan Alangkah baik jika gurauan aku kau perasan - R, 21; tangisan dalam gurauan, teguran dalam senyuman.

  27/6/2023, Selasa.  Perkara yang kau beritahu tidak begitu lagi Bukan fotografi Tapi masih kedai kopi - R, 21; Hari berat

  Bisa kau Kukudap Dendam kucangkeram Erat dalam malam Kumuntahkan madahnya Sebatang sungai berkaca Hening diludahnya warna Warna sebenar aku -pun sama Sama yang berbeza -R, 22; sesal tiada pasal

dan  lembaran ini  kekal kosong penaku sombong asyik mataku menjenguk purnama  yang warnanya yang terangnya dan lembaran ini kekal kosong penaku sombong asyik mataku menjenguk purnama  yang warnanya  yang terangnya dan  lembaran ini  kekal kosong penaku sombong asyik mataku menjenguk purnama  yang warnanya yang terangnya dan  lembaran ini kekal kosong dan  lembaran ini sudah penuh penuh engkau! -R, 21; kehadapan 'Ahmad'

bagai ada sesuatu yang merindu datang  dan dakap diri ini kemudian pergi apa mungkin aku sudah bukan warga rumah lagi? -R, 22; 3 febuari 2024. 

  i am  a polyglot of none but everything has become "you" -R, 21; the language

  aku mahu mabuk agar kepala kau bisa aku tebuk dengan kata nista yang tajamnya lebih dari apa aku mahu mabuk dan jejakku  dipadam syaitan untuk kau telan ubat kelatmu perlahan aku mahu mabuk dan merobek kulit rahsia dengan rakusnya biar kau tahu yang jijik itu baju bukan kalbu aku mahu mabuk senang -  kepala kau kupukul leher kau kucekik ditelinga kubisik - rasa kita sama cuma dengan mata cuma dengan hati cuma buta mata kau buta hati -R, 21;   yang kurik itu kundi,  yang merah itu saga,  yang dekat itu kanti , lebih dekat itu...

 22nd August 2023      She was somehow a Lebanese.. perhaps an Arab.. whose kind soul was the warmth of the friendship between my family and her. Her husband, was caught dead while protecting the country, he was a brave, fine soldier. And this woman, she had that big eyes and a pointy nose. Her hair was nearly curl and it is in light brown. She was a doctor and somehow people are so greed for heaven that they got her killed. In that dream, she was a good friend of mine.     " You take her! " was her last word to me, for her first born. The little angel was just born and knew nothing. Not even she could recognize her mother.      So I called her mine.. That time was as if I am an independent adult, alone, and ready to spend my life for the little girl. I brought her everywhere and taught her to laugh. She has that bright, big smile and that cheeks, light pink shades whenever she sees me. Her eyes blue and, she is mine.     I remember...