🦋 It's Raihana & no one else 🦋

 26th November 2022.  Guess what this gal haven't touch her Design yet and she had just a few hours before her sleep time - at least I need to have a rough form, floor plan, circulation experience, material selection and my RNR landscape by tonight. Yup. I spent the whole day watching Emily In Paris and I would say I am quite addicted to the episodes now. I am recharged to continue my aspiration since 2019 where I learnt French because I admired this one Malay-French guy, the son of somewhat Malaysian celebrity, and he doesn't speak Malay. Thank God my foundation offered the subject during my time as schedule snack so, I had my time enjoying the ride. It's just I don't practice the language anymore as I used to use an online app namely Mondly, to you know, keep the song playing in my tongue. But I need to uninstall it due to my phone storage problem that cared more about my architectural project soft copies.  Looking at Emily, it somehow reflects back to my dull life, i...

 20th Dec 2022.  Dear all,  This is going to be a quite friendly reminder and somewhat indirect letter which means I tried as best as I could to not offend anyone with my words. For those who find me interesting, thank you. For those who are willing to be there when I need you, thank you. For those who accept me for who & what I am, thank you. I seriously have nothing in the world to compare with your kindness. All I could do is to pray and ask Allah to grant each of you His highest jannah and I promise you, I won't be selfish. You will have my back for the rest of your life. I'm not going to stop appreciating you in everything I do, I have achieved, for those are the things that makes difficulty feels lots better.  I am legit nobody. I humbly know how pathetic the level of knowledge I'm currently at and I don't ask anyone to praise me the way I don't deserve. If you don't like me, feel free to feel so. Don't feel burdened just because others seem to pat...

 17th Dec 2022, 0031hrs Still feels like yesterday I've cried my heart out in front of my lecturer and my friends - idiot, it really was happening yesterday!  Yesterday was supposed to be the day where I share my outfit, take a bunch of pics of my crit 1 materials and proud of myself very much. But all those didn't happened. Instead, I made fun of myself by crying in front of my most always-find-reason-to-quarrel-with-me lecturer and I even screamed on Syamil  "Kau boleh jangan kacau aku tak?!".   *disclaimer: I wasn't crying because of the crit, but because my lecturer kept teasing me dasar sir!!! ergh jatuh martabat saya. sksksksk (will insert pic once i balik uia) Anyways, I am quite excited with my concept this time though my panels said that it's not strong enough to be brought for RNR, which I believed that they just don't understand it as I do but I'll prove them wrong!  So my concept is basically the sea - OMG I feel guilty for not calling it p...

  tak semua  sedia berenang  dilautanmu hanya pengembara  yang hauskan cerita - R,20 ; yang layak

and  what about the courage to be afraid  of nothing? - R, 20; glory, is bowing to the Almighty

  jirus lagi ujian ujian jirus lagi cepatlah tumbuh kenal apa itu ini agar aku tahu mana satu mana -R, 20; buta. 

November 17, 2022.  And there we go again, quarreling about the school-break. I feel sick every time I knew that I won't be able enjoy the holiday I deserve like everyone else. Kau bayangkanla harini cuti untuk PRU-15 sampai Isnin next week, and aku masih lagi mereput kat uia ni - Kalau boleh, Sabtu nanti je baru balik tu pun agaknya kalau possible balik hari ke uia, memang aku balik semata mengundi and sambung suffering kat kampus.  Lagi aku geram, ofc la aku budak architecture ni takde maknanya balik right on time, mesti kena awal sehari sebab kitaorg ada model lagi tak setel. haaa ni aku nak mengamuk jugak kalau dah balik awal nanti progress masih lembap and masih mengemis extension. dah la next week ada baki 4 hari je before mid sem break. so ada baki 3 hari buat model, hari keempat tu presentation. tapi in between tu juga bukan hadap design je, subject lain pun nak submission jugak. Pastu mid sem yang patutnya cuti 10 hari starting on 26th of November, boleh pulakkkk dior...

  indah puisi manis lebih  dari secawan kopi moga ia sebuah antologi - Syed Fathi untuk Raihana Shamsul. 

kala susah kala senang lewat masa moga semuanya kau nikmati - R, 20, dua belas sebelas. ; macam semalam, tapi dah kawen!

  selamat hari jadi buat si laksana bidadari cantik luar cantik dalam bagai mentari dan bunga bersama kita tumbuh kekal sahabat selamanya -R, 20, 30 ogos; kau merdeka aku, moga merdeka semua.

  that dreamy eyes the chapped lips are the hardest poems to write -R, 20; November Fourth. 

 26 October 2022, padre's birthday. \\ It's vital for you to turn on Peterpan's Mungkin Nanti before indulging into this entry// Currently having my time, though I have tons to be think of; 1. Heritage, since I am one of the group leaders. It's never sounds easy to handle 25 people to go oversea ya know. 2. Design, I did some research about our upcoming furniture project for RnR before asr today and cant wait to vomit the idea on butter paper trrow. And 1 last thing is the stupid folder I need to prepare for Journalism Club (clap hands everyone) for we'll be having a workshop soon this Saturday but I'm planning to ask the program manager trrow night, REHEARSAL.  I know I often prioritize my schedule but there's always reason why things were so better back then., maybe because I wrote a lot. So indeed I am here because I am in need of this, I have to write this story.  From my previous post where I spilled there was this one guy who likes me, now let me tell ...

  dunia yang bulat  kini bersegi pandangan luas sudah tidak kesini malu barangkali sungguh boleh saja kita pura-pura tak kongsi cerita tak pernah bersua apatah menyapa kekal begini  juga cinta pergi tak kembali sebab cinta - R, 20. tetap kawan sampai bila-bila.

 28th September 2022.  It's been a while I didn't talk about dream since the last time about the prince charming who woke me up for Fajr prayer if you guys could recall. And this morning's dream is nothing less as happy as that one.  I dreamt that I woke up from everyday sleep like always but there were lots of people waiting around the bed. It was like around 30 people I don't really recognize but they somehow knew me in that dream. First when I got my eyelids opened they were all cheering and talking to each other " Raihana is awake, Raihana is awake " as if I slept for a quite long time and I was like, " oh yes, I am ". I looked at those faces and I really, didn't know who they are, however their expressions and behaviors subtly indicating that I was in a comma. Like always, I usually drink some water after my sleep - So I rose from that bed and tried to walk to the kitchen. The kitchen was filled with natural lighting, as warm-yellowish as h...

  bukan ini wajah yang kukenali gadai selamanya untuk sementara barangkali kita sombong jahil pemenang bukan dibelakang -R, 20; pergi dulu.

  pena  menungguku bermadah bagai luka  yang rindu untuk berdarah -R, 20; rumah . 

belum sempat reput cebisan sebelum ini nyanyianku disambut  mahuku apa lagi -R, 20; aku. 

15th September; let your smart device play All Too Well & Love Story both in medieval instrumental while reading this. I would say it's the anthem of my heart during the event.   It's been 5 days since the event . Never I have ever imagined in my mind not even once that I met you. The last time we met when we were arranging the studios and partitions for our final submissions. You were there, and I were one of the batch representatives. You were sitting right in front of me, only talking to me, fulfilling the role of not knowing anybody else.    It's still fresh in my mind, how I mocked you about the disgusting storage room for our models, I sprayed it on your face how your batch is responsible as you guys are the seniors. Quite shocking that you literally agreed with my did-on-purpose argument. I was impressed not because it is uncommon for senior to accept suggestions, but the way you responded was as fascinating as your smile. You were so humble and easy going...

  when the morning wind sings dance the rhythm and breath let go all the sorrow let free all the what to be even the bravest is terrified to death sole coward is terrified to live -R,20; September Ninth.

 23rd August.  I have no idea what's the silver lining -  definitely the shittiest thing that ever happened to me after my ex-crush likes somebody else. maybe, I got to write this entry and journal the worst episode of me, overthinking about how lovely it would be if it was him and me.   I'm currently at the beginning of my final weeks and suddenly today, my laptop decided to leave me for Hawaii. I met some of the university computer technicians and they legit don't want to take risk since my laptop is the newest among newest. like excuse me, I paid that for rm 5k with my OWN money as 10 years-road-to-advanced-architect investment. I picked from one of the famous brand of all  and only got to use it for 5 months?? are u kidding me like on my final week???? now my friends are rushing with their final submissions and I bet they're gonna finish it by the week, while me, waiting for my spare parts from Dell within 3 weeks since the laptop is made in Saudi - lik...

  absence a second  feels a lifetime presence a second also feels  a lifetime - R, 20; patient  

  this heart beats like a poem sings of your name like an anthem -R, 20; a joyful concert  

 31 Julai 2022.  baru jek balun maggie kari masak sendiri kat rumah tadi lepastu terus otw ke uia. sekarang tengah lipat kain and sort mana nak bawa balik rumah and mana nak tinggal. melampau gila kalau bawa semua baju ke kampus macam aku tak balik langsung plak. at least tinggalkan kat rumah nanti ada la tukang pakai cuma tu la kesian pulak umi hari2 hadap wardrobe room tu penuh dgn baju2. later la kena help her sort mana pakai mana tak dia cumanya penuh sbb sayang to let go baju2 lama kitaorg. entahla aku ni sejenis semua benda kena ada kategori, ikutkan hati lebih proper kalau tulis entry ni all english tapi ye la aku malas nak fikir, sudahla down sebab bahasa arab berhabuk, like legit dulu kalau nak cakap terus je cakap. now kalau nak cakap kena loading lama sikit lepastu tak cakap2. lepastu lagi la aku tak amik kelas english. cakap bila nak cakap je ha the rest speaking bahasa bangunan. kadang2 aku rasa malu nak cakap dgn sapa2 sbb entah apa2 la aku cakap ni if that makes...

  terima kasih untuk setiap darimu akanku hargai  setiap satu walau kekecewaan pun juga pemberian  -R, 20; hadiah seluruhnya. 

  jika diajak kembali ke kedai kopi mahukah engkau berborak memori dan hujungnya kita jadikan kita? -R,20; cerita yang aku janjikan

  mungkin nanti lagu  yang pernah kau beritahu akanku nyanyikan bersama tangisan di tepi bucu katil sambil kufikirkan alangkah indahnya jika kita dahulu mengatakan  apa yang kita maksudkan - R,20; "akanku tunggu esok"

  and everything echoes the song of your existence -R,20; funny how things will never change

 27th June 2022.  So I have this little secret I hid, deepest in my heart; Something of its truth I won't admit, but poison is never meant to be kept. - My insecurity.  For all these years of living, it's quite shocking to say that I have been thinking of suicide so much for this semester. Nobody knows, how hard for me to cope with everything, and it's even funnier when people described me as "problemless" - quite a compliment for me for being hell good at camouflaging the flaws.  There were times I wished to be killed during my sleep, for somebody to suddenly come and stab my back during my prayer. I sometimes lusted to fall sick and to have the most beastly disease on earth and die. I just hate of living. I don't want to meet anyone.  I have no idea where of all these are coming from, I did everything - from turning on the Ruqyah for myself, to have some emails from Malaysian government of mental health careline.. I even had spilling session with somewhat ...

  to every story good or bad poems and cats and the things we could have had it will always different color ahead -R, 20; no more yesterday once more

  though the skies  had weep at its worst for at least the flower had once bloom at its proudest - R, 20; I was there. 

  We were there experienced the heavens in just a stare -R,20; let tomorrow will be, just the same for you and me.

  no place  is a home for travelers - R, 20; swear you would never find someone like me.

Stomach pain, sudden cold and sweaty palms - This is the condition whenever Raihana feels so nervous. Sue just texted a reminder of tonight's meet up regarding our course event: Archi Raya which will be held on next two weeks and guess what, I'm chosen to be the emcee!  I was delighted at first and I am still now, because it's going to be lifetime experience in university but somehow I feel so nervous and anxious at the same time that I'll be talking in front of ALL YEARS of students who take Architecture; Zafwah, Xander, Pasak - you name it!, ALL LECTURERS and the department staffs. Yep, this feeling will fade by right after I get my confidence back but as for now, this is what we're getting.  I've thought on some activities we could do at front to entertain the audience like do a sudden kuih raya taste test on random student and if he/she guesses right, will be rewarded some duit raya! Apart from that, exposing the culture of Hari Raya like showing some Raya v...

 9th May 2022, the first day of class after the Raya break. today's entry is going to be a bit more personal.. This morning, we were supposed to submit our floor plan for Design. Let's be honest, I really had my time for the whole week, I spent it merely for my family and kuih raya, and I don't care, not even regret. Yesterday after a rush finding Harraz's cat toy at Jusco Bukit Tinggi, we arrived at UIA, Gombak. I filled my evening visiting Farina at her room, ate some kuih raya and some mata kucing and wished Ainie, Wani and Shu the warmest " Selamat Hari Raya". Then Hajar invited me to her compartment and offered me her homemade kuih ros- where she accidently discovered that she can continue her grandma's legacy that nobody in her house can cook the kuih as decent as she and her grandmother could. - Hence, what else to expect other than myself who decided to sleep right away after my first yawn that night, without touching my assignments, AT ALL.  I was...

 4th May 2022, Raya ketiga - a bit sad cuz got to visit only 2 houses today and i miss my paternal side kampung..  However, salam and if there is anyone read this entry well i would like to wish you the warmest selamat hari raya aidilfitri!!  It's currently day 3 of Syawal, and today was on my mum's side. Just to gush out my feeling these days, it has been 2 years we didnt meet each other because of the pandemic, i was once a teenager now i'm an adult - just how the time changed everything.  During our visit to my paternal side, some asked my father " kapan arek mantu? " or " when will you get your children in law? ". If you were me, i bet you'll feel so uncomfortable talking about the opposite gender in front of my father; he is so strict even since i was a kid, so how in the world would i talk about marriage? But somehow at this age of 20, you've met a lot and those things has shaped you into somebody - I dont feel ashamed anymore and in fact i...

24th April 2022, Sunday - prepping for the very 1st crit of semester 2 tomorrow (Monday) and I hate my concept - like it can be better, I was hoping for comments that can help me develop my design but my lecturer seemed to just love everything. He only said "yes" when I explained 2 design concepts  and contrary to any of my acceptance of approval before this, I am quite lost; getting thirstier for instructions. And yep, I am still here, having my face glued on the lappy screen, writing my own thoughts on blog while doing and reading some research about the similarities between the European housing because ----- Okay this is the story, we are given a site, and we are to interview a client based on professions & themes the faculty has assigned us - My site is located at the coconut orchard, with a very old-fashioned lifestyle happening in the community there, the existence of a traditional Malay house, nipah-made homestays, and chicken coop as the contexts. I am to do a ge...

  For my love for you is the language nobody speaks let silence  be my mother tongue  -R, 20; I hope you understand

  If not knowing me  made you fall in love it will be a bless if we are forever stranger - R,20; a request

  Even if destined of me to be mad I would never regret - R, 20

  My stomach hurts  whenever I see you that I bet- I would die from it But if it needs  to hurt so I could see you then I would die for it -R, 20

 30th March 2022, Wednesday - I didn't attend BCM class today on purpose, for I am not feeling well. :( I think it weighs more on normal fever than covid, despite I have lots of symptoms like sorethroat, dizziness & my internal body temperature is higher than usual. However, I still feel like it's a normal fever, because yesterday we had our very first site visit and the site was undoubtedly so hot as hell.  To tell, I have this one bestfriend I treasure most, like I would be transparent here that I will cry if he has another friends hahahahaha (lol actually I did cry, there was a day when he didn't talk to me for reason only God knows, I even called my mom regarding that) is funny to write about him on my blog, I usually tell secrets to my sister and my mother but as for now, I think they are all busy preparing for Ramadhan and I don't want to miss a moment so here I am, crafting an entry dedicated to my very bestfriend since foundation. :) Don't be sad as for ...

  Dan tiba-tiba angin yang dingin membawa pulang kehangatan kelmarin -R, 20; macam.. semalam.

  di malam ini aku mulai mengerti sedikitnya bintang untukku bermadah luasnya malam biarku menadah -R, 20; larut, larut bersama malam, dan hilang. 

  yooo I'm working on for 2 entries about my degree semester 1 finals and my foundation finals, (pls wait patiently aaa) but wallah why do I feel so hard to express my own self HAHAHAHAHAH have you guys ever fall in love and then feel so low-key & insecure? no? well I'm currently sipping tea in the phase right now that's why I've been coming out with lots of poem and mostly un-deal-able   SILENCE, so BOOooOoM you got this gal who doesn't even bother to speak and laugh anymore, she spends most of her time listening and crying jurrr. I swear that I too, do nok understangggg so lemme just take some time (but I bet it'll take forever if I don't overcome this asap!!) Huwaa just wanna produce some good reads for you guys but it's true la after all, intellects do drown because of love . pls pray for my sanity and may Allah bless my masterpiece insyallah.  oooooOoOOok. noww,, how do I do this? 😭😭😭 

  though the sun is always the brightest but the moon never lost its charm -R, 19; the way you are .

  from the greatest suffer comes the greatest mercy - R, 19; the language of the divinity.

  don't you think  that love  were meant to be  excessive for being drunk of it makes the lovers  only see the beauty in everything? -R,19; live and let live, or live and let die

  in the field of silence listen to the wind how it sings of your name -R, 20; will you see?

  we shall learn  I shall learn that to be happy doesn't necessarily have to be "you and me" -R, 20; stay the distance, 15th feb

  and suddenly the world becomes less hurry the nights become days the silence becomes poetry -R,20; hope

10 Januari 2022, im an officially an indie kid now gaisek. ;D  -Sam Bunkface- -Shamsul Anuar- -Bunkface-  Okay first thing first, i would like to apologize for using mix-language (read: malay & english). - i just couldn't help that i am a proud malay, but at the same time i want everyone to understand the situation i'm currently living in, in love with. <3  Yes guys i am drunk with Bunkface now!! :,D  I just wanna let the world know how they own the special place in my heart and their songs in my head, rent free. Actually, the band is alr existed since i was in primary school; but what to expect from a 12 year old kid,  other than chatting her mum the same thing every single day on FACEBOOK.  Right now, here i am, battling with myself everyday for degree, and to fulfill the amanah cuz im not here on my own, there is other people's money funding my university fees (read: for the very kind  compatriots who pay the taxes to the government). Hence, ...